This is for my single friends looking for the "perfect match". As an outsider looking in, I get to witness so much craziness in the search for love and commitment. I get the unbiased look at what you all are doing right and what seems to be that you're doing really wrong. Dating is a stressful ritual within itself. Yet 2020 has even found a way to make it worse. With people having quarantine restrictions it just adds to the already strained dating world. Singles were already opting to search for love online before COVID now with COVID in the mix the dating has gone to mainly online as well.
So how do you ever get to know the real true person behind the screen? I personally think the first date should still be a goal. After talking online a while and video dating to get comfortable with your potential mate, I suggest you meet for a short friendly easy in easy out "in the flesh date". Back to the simple first dates of coffee or a drink. You can safely maintain social distance in these types of meetings and get to see a person in the flesh and from this date, I can tell you 5 questions to ask and answer yourself to know if you want to continue to seek a relationship of any sort with this person.
Sit back read these questions,and answer them honestly for yourself and read the answers other people have left. Tell me if you think these questions could or would lead you to the mate you have been seeking. Like I said, these are just questions I think will help determine your next dating move. You may think differently. The dating horror stories I have heard lately have lead me down this question path.
1. Are you a honest person?
In my opinion most of us fancy ourselves to be honest people. We think we are not liars even though most humans lie several times a day. Not being honest spans the grand spectrum of little white lies to law breaking lies. The seriousness of the lie depends on the person being lied to. So listen closely as a person answers this question. Do they build themselves up to be so honest the Pope asks them for advice, do they stay humble and admit fault, are they straight up and let you know they are not? These are tones you must tune into. If what the person is saying to you doesn't gel with who you are, talk about it. Use this time to open a honest line of non judgement filled conversation.
2. Are you a confident person?
Confidence shows through or doesn't show through in so many ways. The way a person walks into a room can give off a look of confidence or nervousness to all that witness it. The way a person speaks about their accomplishments can let others who are accomplished know if the person is truthful or tooting their own horn. Dating a person who isn't confident may be difficult for a overly confident person and vice versa. We all have different opinions of what confidence is. Some of us firmly believe it is something that is within us, while others believe we show confidence by the way we look on the outside. While your date is answering this question, watch their body language. Look at their eyes. Watch their hands. These movements often let you know if a person is being real or faking a persona.
3. What does your extended family think of you? Your Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins...
Why ask this? Well we all have that one cousin that starts drama all the time. The one that has stolen from people or lied to the family. The one we kind of dread coming over. The one that thinks they're better than the rest of the family. The one who doesn't feel like they really are part of the family for some reason,and on and on. If you don't know what family member that could be, it's probably you! Just joking but families are built up of many dynamics and if a person is not liked, tolerated, loved or enjoyed by any of their extended family, take that as a warning sign. Look out for other signs they have problems getting along with people. This can show you how a person will react in the face of problems and disagreements. Some people are vicious in these areas, is that the mate you're looking for? Are you that sort of mate? If a person can't mend fences with the people who usually love us regardless of us, there may be deeper issues to learn about.
4. Ask them to open up their google search, then ask them to hand their cell over as you hand over yours.
Could you do it? Can you hand over your cell phones search like that? No time to clean it up, no time to explain, just BooM! Hand it over. I would have a serious issue doing that out of fear of being misunderstood. I search so many strange things a person might get up and leave after seeing mine. Also handing over your cell phone is very personal now a days. I think a person who has no problem doing this exudes that confidence and honesty they spoke about earlier. In today's world our cell phones have become an extension of us basically. We use them for most things in our day to day life. So handing over our phones can be a show of faith and trust. How serious are we with wanting this person a part of our lives? Are we being truthful? Does our phone hold some secrets for us? All this can be quickly discovered with that ultimate access.
5. Open your porn search history, trade phones.
Porn history?? Yes. Most Single adults enjoy sex. What kind of sex, is always different when we think no one is watching. So,open up that porn and let me see! It will let you know what will turn them on. Let you know if physically and sexually you can satisfy this person. The truth hurts but is good to know. Imagine a person who is telling you they're physically into the way you look, only search people who look nothing like you to get them sexually aroused? Is that a deal breaker? Are they settling? Is sex that big of a deal for you? Will they cheat to get that sexual high they get from porn? So many questions. This is also another opportunity to talk about things we may have over looked before of gave surface basic info on in our initial meeting. Sex does play into most relationships. For some it can be very important, for others not so much. If your potential partner is looking at hardcore porn many times a day, they may never express that to you, but once you see that porn history you will know. If a persons porn search history is a huge turn off to you, will the relationship work for many years to come? I think this is very important to know and seeing it unfiltered is the best way to form a honest opinion.
There they are, your top 5 questions to ask on a date. You will of course have your own questions to ask. Just don't forget to include these in there. I'm sure your potential mate will be eager to answer them. Turning over the cell phone may not be as easy. This is also a attribute you may want to consider when choosing your mate. Is this a deal breaker? Some people don't worry much about cell phone life, while others take it very seriously. A persons willingness to hand over their cell phone to a almost stranger, should not be a immediate red flag, it may just be too personal of an act for them. Don't assume they're trying to be sneaky because they decline to do this exercise, know everyone has limits and their right to privacy. You may also take notice of a persons attitude or physical demeanor when you do initiate the exchange. Some people may get angry, which can be a red flag, others may find it hilarious, and others may be eager to trade. Cell phone exchange may be something that comes later when the relationship is serious, or for some it may never come. You know how you feel, so go with that. Keeping an open mind while dating is a huge part of finding a mate. Good luck in your quest for love, I will be watching!
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