First Date 5

 This is for my single friends looking for the "perfect match". As an outsider looking in, I get to witness so much craziness in the search for love and commitment. I get the unbiased look at what you all are doing right and what seems to be that you're doing really wrong. Dating is a stressful ritual within itself. Yet 2020 has even found a way to make it worse. With people having quarantine restrictions it just adds to the already strained dating world. Singles were already opting to search for love online before COVID now with COVID in the mix the dating has gone to mainly online as well. 

So how do you ever get to know the real true person behind the screen? I personally think the first date should still be a goal. After talking online a while and video dating to get comfortable with your potential mate, I suggest you meet for a short friendly easy in easy out "in the flesh date". Back to the simple first dates of coffee or a drink. You can safely maintain social distance in these types of meetings and get to see a person in the flesh and from this date, I can tell you 5 questions to ask and answer yourself to know if you want to continue to seek a relationship of any sort with this person. 

Sit back read these questions,and answer them honestly for yourself and read the answers other people have left. Tell me if you think these questions could or would lead you to the mate you have been seeking. Like I said, these are just questions I think will help determine your next dating move. You may think differently. The dating horror stories I have heard lately have lead me down this question path. 

1. Are you a honest person?

In my opinion most of us fancy ourselves to be honest people. We think we are not liars even though most humans lie several times a day. Not being honest spans the grand spectrum of little white lies to law breaking lies. The seriousness of the lie depends on the person being lied to. So listen closely as a person answers this question. Do they build themselves up to be so honest the Pope asks them for advice, do they stay humble and admit fault, are they straight up and let you know they are not? These are tones you must tune into. If what the person is saying to you doesn't gel with who you are, talk about it. Use this time to open a honest line of non judgement filled conversation. 

2. Are you a confident person?

Confidence shows through or doesn't show through in so many ways. The way a person walks into a room can give off a look of confidence or nervousness to all that witness it. The way a person speaks about their accomplishments can let others who are accomplished know if the person is truthful or tooting their own horn. Dating a person who isn't confident may be difficult for a overly confident person and vice versa. We all have different opinions of what confidence is. Some of us firmly believe it is something that is within us, while others believe we show confidence by the way we look on the outside. While your date is answering this question, watch their body language. Look at their eyes. Watch their hands. These movements often let you know if a person is being real or faking a persona.

3. What does your extended family think of you? Your Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins...

Why ask this? Well we all have that one cousin that starts drama all the time. The one that has stolen from people or lied to the family. The one we kind of dread coming over. The one that thinks they're better than the rest of the family. The one who doesn't feel like they really are part of the family for some reason,and on and on. If you don't know what family member that could be, it's probably you! Just joking but families are built up of many dynamics and if a person is not liked, tolerated, loved or enjoyed by any of their extended family, take that as a warning sign. Look out for other signs they have problems getting along with people. This can show you how a person will react in the face of problems and disagreements. Some people are vicious in these areas, is that the mate you're looking for? Are you that sort of mate? If a person can't mend fences with the people who usually love us regardless of us, there may be deeper issues to learn about.

4. Ask them to open up their google search, then ask them to hand their cell over as you hand over yours.

Could you do it? Can you hand over your cell phones search like that? No time to clean it up, no time to explain, just BooM! Hand it over. I would have a serious issue doing that out of fear of being misunderstood. I search so many strange things a person might get up and leave after seeing mine. Also handing over your cell phone is very personal now a days. I think a person who has no problem doing this exudes that confidence and honesty they spoke about earlier. In today's world our cell phones have become an extension of us basically. We use them for most things in our day to day life. So handing over our phones can be a show of faith and trust. How serious are we with wanting this person a part of our lives? Are we being truthful? Does our phone hold some secrets for us? All this can be quickly discovered with that ultimate access. 

5. Open your porn search history, trade phones.

Porn history?? Yes. Most Single adults enjoy sex. What kind of sex, is always different when we think no one is watching. So,open up that porn and let me see! It will let you know what will turn them on. Let you know if physically and sexually you can satisfy this person. The truth hurts but is good to know. Imagine a person who is telling you they're physically into the way you look, only search people who look nothing like you to get them sexually aroused? Is that a deal breaker? Are they settling? Is sex that big of a deal for you? Will they cheat to get that sexual high they get from porn? So many questions. This is also another opportunity to talk about things we may have over looked before of gave surface basic info on in our initial meeting. Sex does play into most relationships. For some it can be very important, for others not so much. If your potential partner is looking at hardcore porn many times a day, they may never express that to you, but once you see that porn history you will know. If a persons porn search history is a huge turn off to you, will the relationship work for many years to come? I think this is very important to know and seeing it unfiltered is the best way to form a honest opinion. 

There they are, your top 5 questions to ask on a date. You will of course have your own questions to ask. Just don't forget to include these in there. I'm sure your potential mate will be eager to answer them. Turning over the cell phone may not be as easy. This is also a attribute you may want to consider when choosing your mate. Is this a deal breaker? Some people don't worry much about cell phone life, while others take it very seriously. A persons willingness to hand over their cell phone to a almost stranger, should not be a immediate red flag, it may just be too personal of an act for them. Don't assume they're trying to be sneaky because they decline to do this exercise, know everyone has limits and their right to privacy. You may also take notice of a persons attitude or physical demeanor when you do initiate the exchange. Some people may get angry, which can be a red flag, others may find it hilarious, and others may be eager to trade. Cell phone exchange may be something that comes later when the relationship is serious, or for some it may never come. You know how you feel, so go with that. Keeping an open mind while dating is a huge part of finding a mate. Good luck in your quest for love, I will be watching!

What is this Love?

What is this life I’m living? I want happiness, yet I cry. I want freedom, yet I’m in bondage. I want Love, yet I give Love away. So many wants, what about needs...I need a home, I have one. I need food, I eat daily. I need air, I breathe freely. Do the wants get more attention than the needs? Yes they do. Why? I’m sitting here in my grandmother's yard, thinking about me. I have always had a need to be accepted, loved, wanted. I think I am too dependent on those emotions. I have found many ways to ruin relationships, mainly by trying too hard to give the love I want to others. I forget that all people have their own Love language and I need to respect that. My need to be with my mate 24/7 may not be what my mate needs. Which in turn may make them feel smothered and push them away. Crazy thing is, the men I have been with knew this was one of my character traits and when we first get together, they’re all on board for it. Then once they realize I stick to that shit like stank on a turd, they begin to back away from me. No matter how long we have been together this seems to be the sad ending each time. I’m too much for men to handle. Too needy I guess. Even though that's how I start out the relationship. 

It seems strange to me that people get into relationships knowing what the other person is about, then act shocked when they continue to be that. I also have a need to take care of my mate. Which in theory sounds good, but I have come to learn it’s another wrong way to be. I go deep, I wash clothes, cook meals, make lunches, plan outings, pay the bills, buy clothes, plan parties, etc. Literally do everything I would assume will make my mate happy, yet that even backfires on me. 

So I have come to learn that, I either need a mate that will forever appreciate these gestures or be alone and spoil myself. I want a mate that would treat me the way I treat them, but I have yet to allow that to happen by the choices I make when choosing a mate. I pick men that are damaged, broken and need work. I have yet to have a mate that could mentally,financially and emotionally be there for me completely. Is that on purpose? I want to think not but if I keep making the same choices, I’m either psyco or stupid. 

Facing that reality sucks. I want so bad to be in a “traditional marriage” and what I mean by that is, I want a husband that can financially provide for us, who loves the Lord, is fun, appreciates me taking care of him, loves my kids, wants to be together all the time, puts me and our family first, protects me and our marriage, proclaims his love for us to the world, willing to forsake all others to make sure our relationship is good. I don’t think those are impossible qualities to ask for, but I also know I can’t change a man into that, he has to be that way already or wants those things on his own. 

The world nowadays doesn’t seem to value marriage, love or commitment. I have been searching for those things my entire life. They seem impossible to find,get or have. 

My husband now is a great man. He doesn’t give me all those things though. He can, but won’t because they’re not who he is, or wants to be. I pray for him daily, and our marriage. I Love him for who he is, but catch myself trying to change him at times. I don’t purposely do it, it’s just my personality. I feel like I was made to be a wife and mother,but have always pushed God's hand in the way I want it to go instead of allowing him to guide me. That’s a bad thing because God will give you what you ask for even if it’s not what you need. 

I feel at this point I have learned to be grateful for his Blessings, but I would rejoice more if I had waited on him. Like I said, I Love my husband dearly, but I also know a lot of the problems we have are because I forced God's hand by choosing him knowing who he was, and  seeing the red flags early in our relationship but still staying and trying everything to make it work. I did that because I liked the feelings he gave me when we were first together. He said things that I wanted to hear so badly, treated me the way I wanted to be treated for so long, made love to me like I had dreamt of. So I was feeling great about him. 

The warning signs came, and I decided to ignore them and keep making things work. That’s crazy, I put myself and him through so much because I felt I loved him and we were meant to be together forever, I ignored what was right in front of my face, God was trying to help me, but the flesh is weak and I let my free will take over. 

I don’t regret our marriage, I do regret the things we go through because I didn’t allow God to do what he wanted. We may not have even been married or maybe got married later, or just have been really good friends. God may have been trying to move him out my life, so he could send me the husband my heart desired truly, instead of me settling for what I thought I wanted. By “fighting” for our relationship, we probably made our lives much harder. There may have been a perfect woman for him that  God had waited for him and I stepped in the middle of that.

Love is a crazy emotion, I feel like it’s a mental illness. Love makes you lose your sensibility, reasoning and good judgment. That is scary. Trying to have someone make you feel good by being with you is a hard thing to do.

Gypsy RVers

“Well, that’s it then, we now officially live on the road!” exclaimed Tre, with a big smile. “We Out Chea!!” shouted Tee, as we drove off from our traditional sticks and bricks home, in our new Coachman Concord RV. 

Off to a life of adventure and possibilities. Our excitement was all over our faces, yet a bit of fear and worry lingered in each of our souls. We looked at each other with joy and excitement, what was ahead of us? One thing for sure, we knew what was behind us, and we’re more than ready to leave.

Driving away from life in AZ, was hard but necessary. The kids are grown and living on their own, and happy being productive adults. 

We kept working and paying into this home we just didn’t need anymore. We spent the majority of our time, when home, in our bedroom. We had a large bedroom with a large bathroom connected. Our kitchen was just outside our room, around the corner. Since the kids are grown and work a lot, I rarely cook big meals,we mainly eat sandwiches and quick meals, so a big kitchen isn’t useful for us. 

The more we looked at our home life the more we realized we are paying for a 1320 sq ft home and using 300 sq ft of it. So we decided that was a waste,since we enjoy our freedom to travel, don’t require a large living space, and our kids don’t need us, we could live mobile! Mobile life is a great idea for our lifestyle.

 We began our mobile life quest,  by getting rid of a majority of our belongings by: A. selling things B. Donating things to charity C. Giving things to friends and family D. posting things for free online E. throwing things away. We went through all our belongings and decided what we had/needed/wanted to keep in our 5x5 storage unit. We picked the smallest unit we could find, to make us continue to prioritize our “prized possessions” , by doing this we quickly realised how many things we didn’t need. It was a freeing experience to get rid of things we felt we had to have or needed to live.

Now that we got rid of things,we had to get rid of the dwelling, our home. Thank goodness the area was in demand, because we sold our home quickly. We didn’t make a big profit because we had so much debt on us. We did make enough however to put a nice downpayment on our new home, and get our monthly “mortgage” payment down to $700 per month. Versus our home mortgage of $1500 per month. So we are VERY happy and excited. One thing to keep in mind though, is no Adult can live comfortable for free, so you do have to pay things to live nicely. With mobile living though, you can go as cheap as you want, to as expensive as you desire, depending on your situation and needs. For us, we are paying monthly: A. $700 RV note 

B. $300 gas C. $125 insurance D. $200 for food E. $50 cell phone F. $30 storage unit, monthly basic total of $1400 per month. For us to get out of debt we needed to cut our monthly living expenses. With our kids grown and gone, we just had each other and our little dog. So sacrificing our big life for a downsized more affordable life is perfect. We also needed this time as a couple to explore who we are without children and stressful jobs distracting us.  Something most people don’t get to do until they retire at 65-70 years old. That’s too far off for us. Waiting until your life is almost over to find your life’s joy,purpose, love,etc. We couldn’t wait that long. We figured since we raised the lives we brought into this world to be good productive citizens we were safe to go off and find our life joy. A lot of couples spend their union taking care of normal day to day life and never stopping to remember what joys, plans, dreams they had before becoming a couple. We didn’t want to be those people. We decided to give ourselves a 24 month sabbatical and see who we have grown into over the years. 

Mobile life to us, is RV life. We wanted a medium sized RV that had slides so it could be bigger when we needed it to be. We also wanted a motorhome opposed to a pull behind, so we can always have our home with us. We intended to work while on the road. I wanted to work online, but fell short of finding a online job in time, so instead I opted for seasonal work,contracting work, and part time jobs. My husband is a craftsman, he can fix things, build things and create with his hands, so he always finds odd jobs or day jobs or self employees. So we would be travelling in 3-4 month routes, we pick a place, pull up, work, enjoy the area, save money and move on. I feel like we have Gypsy souls and are flowing through our sabbatical. This may be our lifestyle permanently, or just for this season.  We will know when we know. 

As of today we have been living the RV Gypsy lifestyle for about a year, we have been staying near family in VA,AZ and UT.

OMG...Where we at!?!?��